


Even Clouds Can Cry

by ExhaustedRuins



Category: Park Jimin - Fandom, bts, 방탄소년단 | Bangtan Boys | BTS
Genre: BANGTANSONYEONDAN, F/M, Fluff, Loss, Love, One Shot, Sad, a bit of angst, bangtan boys - Freeform, bts - Freeform, chimchim - Freeform, comforting park jimin, guilt complex, jiminie - Freeform, park jimin - Freeform, park jimin x reader - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-04
Updated: 2017-07-04
Packaged: 2018-11-23 11:51:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,823
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11401845
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ExhaustedRuins/pseuds/ExhaustedRuins
Summary: -My first ever one shot-You did something you regret and for a while, you've seen how much it has hurt the one person you love, Park Jimin. You've decided to meet up with him to tell him to go your separate ways, but things don't turn out the way you thought they would and a dark cloud begins to form above you.





	Even Clouds Can Cry

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first ever one shot so if there are any grammatical errors, spelling errors, or punctuation errors, I hope you can politely ignore them since this was done on a whim (: This took me about three hours to write since I tried to make it as passionate and deep as possible, so I hope you enjoy!
> 
> Please message me with any suggestions for a future one shot or ff and I will start to get to work on them! I've been wanting to write more lately so this would give me a good reason haha. 
> 
> So just sit back and immerse yourself (:

Rustling.

The leaves move gently in the cool autumn breeze. It passes through your hair and reveals your forehead, cooling you down, and refreshing your lungs. You feel relaxed, enlightened, calm, and collected. Your mind is so free of thoughts that it seems as though your mind is blowing away bit by bit. The wind seems to be carrying it along with it on a journey to someplace far. Someplace perhaps even meant for such things. Your hands are stiff with cold and they start to tingle at the touch of the air. You don’t even bother to tuck them into your pockets as you remember how much you really don’t mind the cold. You once stood in a winter storm wearing nothing but a thin hoodie, jeans, and a pair of sneakers and you were outside for a solid six minutes before you decided to go back inside and have dinner. You just don’t feel cold.

You could catch frostbite and you wouldn’t even notice until you look down and see the blue and purple skin swelling to the point where it should hurt. Only, it doesn’t. You’re immune to the cold and unlike what most people would say, it’s a blessing and a curse, ‘cause one minute you could feel fine and the next, you’re dead on a slab due to hypothermia. It’s not a very healthy way to live, but you were born with it. Your mother never had it and neither did your father. Your grandparents all died before you were even dead and your parents never talk about them so you don’t know if they had it either. You know that standing in the autumn cold isn’t even half as bad as the winter cold though, so you let yourself stand there for a good ten minutes. You had almost forgotten that you were waiting for someone. The sky is turning a light peach orange and there’s barely enough sunlight to illuminate the sidewalk. You’re standing in front of a playground in the city you grew up in; Seoul.

You used to play on this playground when you were little with your older brother. You catch ghost pains as you remember the way he used to purposefully push you down the slide and make you land uncomfortably. You used to yell at him for it. You cried once or twice too, but he always bought you ice cream in the end and gave you a brotherly pat. You could still feel his warm hand on your shoulder, brushing off the cold that you can’t even feel, and replacing it with something you can. You never really realized this until now but, now that he’s gone, now that he’s really gone, you haven’t felt a single touch of warmth for so long. The temperature is always the same. You’re always wearing the same clothing because you can’t feel it. You feel the heat during the summer, but never something truly warm; something filled with passion and life. Something like a pat on the back or even a push. “Y/n!” Someone yells from across the park. You look up and your eyes adjust to the brighter light as you cast your gaze away from your shadow and fix it on the source of the voice.

It feels disembodied, lost, and oh so far away. A boy, no, a man about your age starts to run in your direction. He has dirty blonde hair that glows in the hue of the dawning sun and he’s wearing a denim jacket with light blue jeans. They’re ripped in small places and fit his legs perfectly. His smile makes you almost believe that the sun is rising back up and it’s almost impossible to leave his built figure unnoticed as he runs towards you. You can see the mist of white warm air as it escapes his lips and gets swept away by the cold breeze. He snakes through the jungle gym and makes his way towards you, a grin plastered onto his face. You know him, so why do you suddenly feel like you’re about to pass out by just simply looking at him?

You can hear his footsteps approaching, but he feels like he’s a thousand miles away. You can see him growing closer and closer the longer he runs, but he looks so faint and blurry. It feels like he’s there, but not all there. You can see him, but he’s going somewhere far where you can’t ever reach him again. You start to feel overwhelmingly saddened and you don’t understand why. “I know you can’t feel the cold, but you shouldn’t just stand there! Let’s go somewhere warm and talk. Aren’t you hungry?” You can tell that he’s almost tempted to grab you by the hand and drag you to the nearest cafe or restaurant, but he doesn’t. He holds himself together the way a child would desperately put together a puzzle; trying so hard to piece himself together, but there’s some places that are missing or just don’t fit so he tries to tape them together and cover them up.

You know what he really wants to talk about and it’s gonna hurt to hear him say it. You know what he feels every time he’s around you and you can’t stop beating yourself up over it. The bruises are a great way to prove it if the emotional pain isn’t enough to hit the nail on the head.

“Are you okay?” his voice starts to shake. He’s concerned, but as a friend. He doesn’t love you. No one could ever love you. You can’t even feel cold or warm for fuck sakes. “Did something happen?” his voice is growing more concerned. You feel the words pushing at the back of your throat, but you hold them in. They feel like they’re about to rip you apart as a way of escape, but you try with all of your might to control them. Your throat clenches and you bawl your hands into tight fists as you say just a little bit of what’s beating at you. One small thing out of many makes a huge difference, but you feel unsure.

“We should leave each other.”

Dead silence. Terrifyingly unbearable silence. Almost painfully sharp silence. It’s like the world of sound was once a balloon and now you’ve popped it so all of the sound suddenly just escaped and left nothing behind. You can feel his eyes on you, his confused glare, but you feel assured now that there’s only two ways this can go: terribly well or terribly bad. Both are gonna hurt so much.

“W-why? Is there something wrong?” he asks, obviously trying to assess the situation. You don’t know what you’re doing, but you’re too much of an idiot to think about what to do next, so you just rely on instinct. You let out a few more words that have been punching you.

“I know you still blame me...for her death.” More unbearable silence. You can feel it seeping into your skull like a sponge absorbing filthy water. It feels horrible and you just wanna wash it and squeeze it out, but this kind of filth isn’t exactly dirt or grunge. It’s pain.

“What makes you think that? I know it’s not your fault. I know that you were just a witness. I believe you. What makes you think that I don’t?” his voice is growing harsher by the second. You can tell that he doesn’t like the subject at hand, but you don’t either. It’s eating away at you and beating you almost as hard as the words you’re holding back. You try to keep your hands steady and your mind clear so you can focus on what to say, but your tongue feels like this huge muscle inside of your mouth that just lays there and doesn’t move. It keeps trying to put some words together, but you can’t even make a sound. You feel like giving up and just telling him that it’s nothing, but it’s too late now. You’ve gotten this far and there’s no turning back. He knows that there’s something wrong now and if you try to change the subject, he’s just gonna try to revert the subject back and make you hurt even more.

You’re one of those people who hurt others without realizing it until it’s too late. You know it all too well and after the death of your brother, you can’t handle being alone because it only makes you think about being with him. You know that’s how Jimin feels every time he’s alone….You know that he wishes he were with his friend. You killed his best friend. You may not have been there when they died, but it feels like everything's your fault. You’re the one who told her to go fuck herself. You’re the one who said all of those horrible things to her and you know that she didn’t deserve your anger. You know that what she already regretted doing what she did and that she wasn’t being herself, but you couldn’t help it. Your whole body was in a rage and if you had just tried to calm yourself, she wouldn’t have gotten in her car. You would’ve had a long and in depth conversation before sorting something out, like what any adults would do. You wouldn’t have yelled at her like a child and even though she did do something wrong, she knew she had made a mistake. What’s worse is that now Jimin is taking the hit for it. Because of you, he’s miserable.

He’s suffering. He hates you. He absolutely hates your guts and he only tries to hide it because he’s too nice to say what he really wants to say. Less than a minute ago, you enjoying the fresh air and clearing your head, but now your neck feels too thin to hold so much weight. You feel the dizziness coming back, but you keep yourself upright and let out a few more words. Just a few more and maybe he’ll understand. Maybe all of this will start to disappear like the breath seeping between your lips that swirls in the air before fading.

_‘Just breathe. You can do this. You have nothing to lose now.’_

“We got in a fight before she died. I said some...pretty bad stuff. She got angry and drove away in her car. She must have been so angry that she couldn’t even pay attention to the road. I know I killed her and I know that you blame me for it. It’s okay. Really. I deserve it. I don’t deserve your friendship or your kindness because I’ve wronged you. I’m the reason why you’re hurting which is why I think it would be better for us to part ways.” Okay. A little more than just a few words, but it’s enough to make Jimin look at you with his big sad eyes. Why are they so sad? Shouldn’t he be feeling relieved right now? Shouldn’t he be relieved that I’m telling him all of this and giving him permission to leave so he doesn’t have to do it all on his own? The thought of seeing his back turn, his heels scrape across the sidewalk, and his hair flutter with the passing wind as he strides away and disappears behind the row of houses makes your heart sink far into your chest. You don’t want to think about it nor see it, which is why you’re prepared. When he decides to leave, you’ll turn your back too. It’ll be painful as hell and you feel like you might even cry a bit, but it’s better than just standing there in the cold like an idiot and feeling nothing. It’s better than crying and having that sight engraved into your skull for the rest of your life.

You feel like if he were to leave, you will truly be alone. You will die a lonely and ordinary death and you might even feel so horrible that you would take your own life, but you have to act strong one last time. You have to spare Jimin the pain of staying with a murderer.

“I miss her” he almost whispers. Right in the chest. An exploding bullet that buries deep into your heart. His words wound your whole body and leave you speechless. It feels as though you’re galumphing, stuttering, unable to move but your whole body still twitches with a certain impulse. You feel the impulse to do something, but you don’t know what. “It’s not your fault. You couldn’t have known. A murderer would take action knowing that it would kill someone, but you took action without knowing. I don’t blame you for what you-”

“Then why do you keep brushing me off all the time?!” you started to shout. You don’t know why, but you feel as though you’re about to explode. The words just come out and hang in the air. They rest on a dark cloud between you and Jimin and all you can do is stare at them and wait for him to add more. The cloud would then become too heavy and all of the words would fall like rain, splattering onto the pavement and dying, leaving small puddles that create an ocean and you would soon be drowning in it. You’d rather drown with Jimin than let that cloud hang there, still awaiting a response. There’s another deep silence, interrupted only by the sound of the cool wind whistling like a desolate phantom.

“When did I ever brush you off?” his voice raises a little, but he doesn’t shout. He just speaks at a normal volume and looks at you with those big sad eyes. Those eyes that look like they might be on the verge of tears.

_‘He better not cry because of me!’_

“You never answer my calls unless I call at least three times consecutively, you don’t talk to me whenever you see me down the street, and you always look at me, but you don’t say anything! You just keep walking or keep doing whatever you’re doing! The only time you ever speak to me is when I ask you for something or if I ask you a question! I always have to be the first to speak and sometimes you don’t even reply at all! It hurts to so much as look at you and I know you don’t wanna look at me either, so just admit that you despise me!” you almost bawl out. Tears start to line the corners of your eyes and you can feel the lump in the back of your throat growing bigger. There’s so much left for you to say, but you know that you’ve said enough. The dark cloud grows heavier and you can feel the rain already starting to prepare for release. You blink away tears and gulp down some of the pain in your throat, but it returns after a second or two. His eyes burrow into yours and his mouth is shut tight. It’s easy to tell that he’s being held back by your words. He doesn’t even have to explain, you just want him to say it.

_‘Just say it!’_

“...I never meant to make it look like I’m ignoring you...I just thought that you wouldn’t want to talk to me after everything that has happened to me is all. I didn’t know that it would only make you feel worse…” He lowers his voice and his whole body seems to be leaning forward. He had the urge to run to you at that moment, you know it, but he just stations himself in place. He looks like a living statue. He’s so stellarly handsome and the way he looks at you makes you wish you weren’t about leave each other. He thought you didn’t want to talk to him? Then why did he think you were still asking him questions and calling him?! Because you were bored?!

“If you thought that I wouldn’t want to talk to you, then why didn’t you answer my calls? Just one word would’ve been nice. I just wanted to hear your voice, so why?” you feel the upsetting thoughts coming back. Your stomach churns with anger and sadness. Part of your wants to cry while the other just wants to stay angry.

“I didn’t know what to say. I’m sorry.”

The dark cloud has now grown so heavy that it feels like it’s gonna rain any second now. You hold back the tears for just a little while longer, knowing that they’re gonna flow eventually. You just don’t want him to see how truly weak you are. You don’t want him to see how much he means to you. You want to stay cold, even if it hurts him, because it’ll only hurt him more if you cry.

“It’s all my fault. I’ve made you feel this way. You must feel so alone now and it gives me such a fucking horrible feeling when I know that it’s all because of me; because I couldn’t handle one fucking beer!” Your eyes start to sting at your own words. You know you shouldn’t have said that last part. Memories of that night start flooding it and spreading like wildfire and you don’t know how to stop the tears from falling. You keep holding them in like the dark cloud, but even clouds can cry. Even the sky can feel sad.

“It wasn’t something you could control. You were drunk and it’s okay to get drunk sometimes. She shouldn’t have upsetted you. I know that she was kind of a hot-headed person, but that’s not your fault! That’s just the way she is! Anyone could’ve pissed her off! There’s no reason to beat yourself up over it!”

The cloud is so heavy that you can’t hold it in any longer. Small little droplets start to crash against the pavement and you can feel one making it’s way down your face, leaving a thin wet trail on your skin. This isn’t what you had in mind at all. He shouldn’t be trying to console you, he should be asking you if you’ll be okay on your own (because he’s so kind) and then he should be leaving. This isn’t at all what you had planned, but you don’t feel bothered. You just feel relieved. You feel so relieved that you finally think, ‘Fuck it! I can’t do it anymore! I want to cry so bad!’ The moment Jimin realizes that you’re crying, his body relaxes and he just stands there for a moment, thinking that you might look at him at any moment and say something, but you don’t. You just cry. You feel like you could cry forever. It feels like the puddles of rain beneath you are going to swallow you whole and drown you and you know that if they did, you would just accept it.

You know now that saying goodbye would’ve been the hardest thing you’ve ever done, but now you feel more like you don’t have to. He said that he doesn’t blame you. He’s said it multiple times now, so why do you still feel like you’re sinking? Why does it still hurt?

“I still love you, y/n, and I’m not leaving you. Ever.” Those words fill you with an unfamiliar warmth. They embrace you into a tight hug and you feel like you can just cry into them. You soon realize that it’s not his words that envelope you into a bundle of warmth, but his arms. He clutches you with his muscular arms and you can feel his denim jacket pressing against your arms and back. You’re so small compared to him. Everyone always makes fun of him for being small, but you’re even smaller. You stand so short that everyone often mistakens you for a student. You’re so small that Jimin’s cheek presses into your hair. For the first time in years, you feel warmth. Every part of you that isn’t in his arms or pressed against his chest is cold and you can feel it. You can finally feel how cold the autumn evening really is. You cry even harder when you realize this and it’s now become nearly impossible for you to say goodbye. Only your brother has only been able to create such a warmth, but now you’ve been proven wrong. He gently squeezes you closer to him and you cry into his chest.

He smells like laundry detergent and soap, which is typical since he probably just took a shower before he arrived, and you feel so drawn to the smell that you bury yourself in his arms. The cold bites at your limbs, but the warmth makes it feel almost nonexistent. You want the moment to last forever. You want to go back to his house, watch drama shows on the couch with him, cook for him, joke around with him, and fall asleep with the TV on and snuggled nicely in his arms. You want to wake up the next morning with him still there and then make him breakfast and listen to him sing to any songs he would feel like playing. You just don’t know if it’s a good idea. You still feel relieved, but you also feel a hint of dread, like if you go with him, he’ll only get hurt a thousand times more. The battle going on in your head feels like two armies clashing together and the tears don’t fail to keep up.

“You’re so cold” he nearly whispers.

His voice lingers in your ears for a moment, almost as if someone keeps pressing the replay button in your mind, and you can feel yours legs shivering. The cold is now piercing into you and you feel your head spinning with all of the energy. You blink away more tears and you feel your arms wrapped around his waist. You feel so comfortable and warm yet so cold. Your knees feel weak, your head feels light, and you find yourself giving in to the cold air. Your whole world grows dark and you feel his arms wrapped tight around you as the hard sidewalk gets closer. You feel the impact, but Jimin’s arms save you from falling painfully and the last thing you see before the world goes completely black is his blonde hair only inches away from face. His voice escapes into your head until it floods out and you hear nothing.

You really shouldn’t have stood in the cold for so long. Now the puddles of rain are swallowing you and you can’t accept it, because now Jimin is holding you and you don’t want him to let go.

You don’t want to say goodbye.


End file.
